if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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