now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
