Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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