if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
