I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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