Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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