Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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