pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
