I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize