Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
