Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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