walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
