so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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