the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this just has baby written all over it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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