I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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