Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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