I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
