Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
