I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In other news, I just burned my penis
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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