What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
