U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize