yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
