My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
