she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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