Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
