Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So here I am, sexting at work.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
