A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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