Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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