he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
