im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
