I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
