Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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