It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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