We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
