brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
