it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
