you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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