Already got asked if we're dating
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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