Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
