I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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