Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
