Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
