Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
