Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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