Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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