just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
