He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
