And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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