we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
