That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
