that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize