I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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