I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
