I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
