Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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