He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
