...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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