we're blogging at a bar
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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