Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
