My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
