I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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