I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
