just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
