i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
