That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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