oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
