If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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