You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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