What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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