Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
