mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
