in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Will exercising make me less horny?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
