As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
