i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
