If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
