This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
