I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
