sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
