i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
